Last night a friend went on a first date with a guy she’d met on Tinder.
She said the conversation was good enough, but he was a smoker, and the date was marred by that he’d drunk to much to be safe to drive her home. She had to catch a taxi home, and her being a student, this was an unnecessarily painful strain on her finances, and she ended up walking part of the way.
Today, he’s sent her a follow up ‘Thanks for the date, how are you today’ type message.
My friend has decided that she’s not interested in seeing him again, and now the question is how she decides to reply.
I’m of the opinion that she should let him know that she wasn’t happy about having to catch a taxi home. This feedback could be coupled with the feedback that she enjoyed the conversation and felt comfortable.
This would give him the feedback about what makes a good date, and generally improve the local dating culture, one person at a time.
On the other hand one could argue ‘Well why should I? What’s in it for me to provide this feedback, if I’m not going to see them again anyway?’
This is where my idealism comes out, participating in a dating culture shouldn’t be just about coming to a mutually beneficial arrangement between yourself and another party, but also generally improving the world as a whole while you do it.
By providing feedback you may not be contributing to the improvement to the person you eventually date, but you do contribute to making the dating experience more pleasant for others.
The exact way to word some feedback such that it’s not mean, or doesn’t invite abuse is a different story, but acknowledging that giving dating feedback is possibly a great idea is a good starting point.