I think there’s an often unhelpful cultural attitude that stigmatises quitting.
Quitting is seen as indicative of a bad work ethic, or laziness, or a lack of grit. Quitting is seen as worse that failure – at least someone who fails has the follow through to see the thing through to the end.
The attitude that is encouraged for facing a difficult situation, is to grit up, to grin and bear it, or to be creative in finding a solution to the problem. There’s the promise that going through the hardship will more rewarding, in terms of practical experience and character building, than quitting would.
There’s a fear that if one quits now, they’ll develop a habit of quitting, and quit whenever things become more difficult, or they’re put beyond their comfort zone.
I agree that there’s something to be said for persevering in the face of challenge, but only if the project as a whole is worthwhile.
When the main reason for carrying on, is the value of perseverance or avoiding being a quitter, then it’s time to quit.
The risk of continuing with something that you’re not getting value out of, is that the stress of carrying on can spill over into the rest of your life. For example, if you’re in a job that you hate, they you may be preoccupied with the job when you’re at home too. Or on the other hand, if you’re in a bad relationship, that may affect your performance at work.
I think people are most motivated when there’s a big picture goal, that they value, and they can see how what they’re doing is helping achieve that goal.
When it’s apparent that what they’re doing doesn’t achieve that big picture goal, or that the value of what they’re doing is several layers abstracted from that goal, one’s whole life can start feeling meaningless.
The danger is when there appears to be no end in sight, and the thought is ‘Even if I do my best work now, my situation is going to be the same in six months, one year’s time’.
Doing good work involves grit and discipline. It require concerted effort. If that effort is, at least in the person’s mind, not going to have any real reward, it’s reasonable to see how one might instead opt for shortcuts or immediate gratification.
I would propose a model of stress tolerances, whereby each individual has a certain ability to tolerate stress – whether that’s dealing with difficult people, learning new technologies, getting their head around logical problems, being bored, and so on.
It makes sense that people should prioritise their ability to deal with stress, to those activities that provide the most value to them. Activities that are not providing much value, should be abandoned, in an act of simplifying their life.
I’ve recently simplified my life in a few ways:
- I broke the lease on the apartment I was renting, so I’m no longer responsible for chasing flatmates up for rent, finding new flatmates, and paying bills.
- I found a new job, and quit my current job which I felt no sense of recognition in.
- I quit drinking alcohol.
As a result, I feel like I’m floating. I feel much much better, and I can see the value in the things that I am doing.
I still have activities that provide stress, or warrant the application of grit. Writing this blog for example, requires a concerted effort to sit down and write the words. Exercising requires grit to get out and start doing it. But these are both activities that I can clearly see the value of, especially in a context of a job where my career with be progressing, and living situation where I can relax.
In conclusion, my advice for people is to look at their life, and question what things are in it that are providing unnecessary stress. Remove them. After that, you can do the mindfulness and meditation tricks and deal with the things that you really value.